Burnin' Down The House

And I almost burned my house down today. No kidding. Not just a little smoke-alarm-going-off, singed-something, smoke-signal type blaze, I'm talking a sirens-a-blaring, three-engine-screaming, fire-ball style event.

For the sake of the story, I'll rewind a couple of hours. The day started in the usual manner. Alarm. Breakfast. Feeding and Stalls. I groomed a Brittney Spaniel and worked in the office until lunch time. Actually until this point in the day, the day had taken on an easy tone. There was plenty of work to do but the tasks were getting checked off the list.

We had been forecasted for thundershowers today but in an unexpected turn of events, they bypassed us and the afternoon turned off sunny and warm. I looked over my mental checklists of jobs and the most appealing ones were those which should be performed out of doors. Mowing the grass. Spraying the yard and fences for weeds. Cleaning the flower beds and gardens of winter debris to prepare for Spring.

I chose to begin spraying for weeds surmising that it would take a week or better for the remedy to take effect. As I sprayed, I became distracted by the oak leaves and dead vines woven into the flower beds around my house. I remembered that Wayne had burned these last year and the clean up seemed effortless. I found a lighter near my gas grill and began to set various small fires around my deck in the flower beds.

I smiled to myself as I watch last year's growth disappear and the new tendrils of green from this year were left behind. This was working marvelously. I was simultaneously applauding my firestarter skills as I lit yet another area of dried debris against the red brick of my house.

Just as I clicked the ignition on the lighter and saw the flame lap greedily at the leaf in front of my hand, my eyes trailed upward and I saw the trellises- both of them. I stood up and surveyed the flame as it creeped upward not yet realizing the gravity of what was about to happen. As the flame reached the base of the first white trellis, it shot upward and engulfed the entire side of the brick wall. Quickly, the flame jumped to the second trellis and gobbled it up as well. The plastic trellises burned bright and hot and melted quickly into piles of gouey carcinogens. I ran into the house through the back door and grabbed a pitcher and began filling it. I envisioned what I may find when I returned but my vision was off the mark. By the time I had reached the original sight of the plastic fireball, there was nothing but a black charred ring on the ground and creeping up the brick wall.

I tossed the contents of my water pitcher absently on the charred ground and side of the house. It just seemed unfinished if I didn't. I noticed the melted outdoor plastic cover for my dryer vent and made a mental note to add purchasing a new one to my checklist. As I cut down the wires which held the now unrecognizable trellis I began to formulate a plan. There was a 1 in 4,000 chance that my husband would miss the trellises for a day or two. There was not even a glimmer of hope that he would not notice the large black ashy mark on the entire side of the house.