Whips, Guns,and Chairs

To protect the innocent, the names and places in the following story have been changed.

There's a new mare in the foaling barn. She is rather bold and quite pushy. She pins her ears flat against her head when she is looked at or spoken to. And she kicks at humans, dogs, or imaginary friends at least twice every day.

Today, our famous cowboy friend Gary suggested that we needed better tools to handle the mare. He declared that in his experience, it was appropriate to carry whips, guns and a chair. Now, I'm an imaginative person. I don't need a lot to stimulate mental pictures or scenarios. The image of Gary- dressed like Indiana Jones- entering the lair of a mad mare with a leather bullwhip in his back pocket, guns in holsters on his hips, and a wooden chair held up as if to fend off the most ferocious beast certainly caused a chuckle. Of course, he was using witty sarcasm to entertain my misery with this horse from Hades. It worked.

So, tomorrow as I enter the new mare's stall, I will be sure to lift my chair with both hands in front of me. Using my best lion tamer's voice, I will command that she not bite, kick, or harass. I'll have to get back with you on how that works out for me.